so filter has not freed up its wifi internet, as DH, DW, and i were surprised to find on sunday. instead the coffee shop probably just ran out of the webbeams business cards (which featured a wifi access code) it used to hand out.
up first on the chopping block: unused surface area on printed pages, or what we in the industry call, “dead space.”
don’t blink next time you ask for a wifi code because you might miss the hand-off of filter’s latest cost-savings-initiative, pictured below.
what you can barely see there is a wifi code printed on what we in the industry call, “a fraction of a sliver of a piece of paper.” which clearly requires the precision of a steady human hand to carefully snip into strips.
preliminary cost savings analysis
+ savings from eliminated business card expense, estimated at 20% of cost of those joke-business-cards-booth-socially-pressured-me-buy-that-i-only-use-for-luggage-tags-and-free-lunch-raffles
— added wages required to employ fine-motor-skilled labor
= net higher costs
and just think of the poor minimum-wage-making, over-educated, dissatisfied, restless-generation, 99%-claiming hipster behind the counter having to cut that ish up. so don’t be surprised if you see wifi-code flakes mixed into loose leaf tea bags or hashbrowns. well maybe he’ll write a song about it. or maybe he already has.
actually this looks like a job for re-purposed shredding scissors like these.
that’s what the hip kids are into nowadays, right? re-using, recycling? however i suspect the time/focus allocation for this tool is something like 99% aligning, 1% snipping, and all still requiring incredibly fine motor skills.
back to the restructuring board.
part i. i found my new favorite study spot in wicker park: the lovely bake shop. it’s quiet, free wifi, music is neither obnoxious nor loud, not crowded, and the crowd that is there is shockingly not there to be seen (though i admit i love the people watching at filter and wormhole). big tables (one is an old card catalog), an assortment of benches and chairs, board games, pies, mini pies, hot breakfast sandwiches all day, aromatic pastries, intelligentsia coffee, decent tea selection, a ‘general store’ of giftable items like stationary, thoughtful cashiers.
only negative i have identified: it closes at between 5-7pm over the course of the week, for this shop is clearly more of a bake shop than coffee shop. but i guess that is why it’s great, so i can’t really ding ’em for that. big news: this is my first endorsement of anything on this blog — that’s how delightful the place is.
part ii. i have discovered a browser based blogging program that allows me to change fonts and colors and size!!!! finally! you probably thought i was disciplined, sticking to one font this whole time, but i’ve been suffering so. not that trebuchet was so hard on the eyes (picture me patting my trebuchet workhorse on the back), but as i’m learning in cases in financial management, it’s all about the option value. so watch out, readers. i’m going to become one of those people.
part iii. LC found a game i want to dominate but cannot complete. no it’s not the timed try-out tests used for mathcounts competitions. it’s a fashion game, instant style. you pick the accessory that you think the style editors at instyle would select. easy enough? like the mathcounts nerd that i am at heart, i’m confident that i’ve even identified something of an algorithm to win this game. however, my high score will never been seen because this game is also coincidentally the slowest loading browser-based game on the planet.
part iv. mike tyson quotes: the song.
sounds a little like guster, no?
part v: drinkify.
highlights (via the chicagoist):
Wilco: 1 bottle Organic red wine. Serve at room temperature. Garnish with sugar.
Cheap Trick: 1 oz. Cocaine. 1 oz. Tabasco sauce. 8 oz. Lemon juice.
Chicago: 6 oz. Tequila Reposado. Serve neat. Garnish with twist of grapefruit.
Local H: 6 oz. Maker’s Mark Bourbon. Serve on rocks. Stir quickly. Garnish with olive.
Andrew Bird: 1 oz. Cachaça. 1 oz. Grenadine. Combine in highball glass and serve.
Kill Hannah: 1 PBR. Serve cold. Garnish with nutmeg.
Billy Corgan: 1 bottle Buckfast. Serve at room temperature. Garnish with wedge of pineapple.
Styx: 1 Bud Light. Serve cold. Garnish with pickled asparagus.
Alkaline Trio: 10 oz. Southern Comfort. Serve on rocks. Stir vigorously. Garnish with fresh berries.
Jon Langford: 1 Miller High Life. Serve cold.
Fall Out Boy: 1 PBR. Serve cold. Garnish with umbrella.
Lupe Fiasco: 2 oz. Hennessy. 2 oz. Grapefruit juice. 2 oz. Chilli pepper Vodka. Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. Garnish with cucumber.
part vi: game restarted. i just clicked into the mathcounts link and really want to halt all things and do that problem of the week. before i do, please note that the problem of the week is clearly that the writers chose to employ a spelling of ‘l-a-u-r-y-n’. just. why?
(apart from the 1990s, that is)?
i recruited so heavily to get away for a bit, and yet…i’m back to …
i’m so lost! gee, maybe this map that the walking tour guide of wicker park drew for me on my first day in chicago will help me find my way…
no, you’re not blind — those bubbles are streets. who draws maps like that?! the one and only vic g, who may be found around the one and only alliance. you’ll know him when you see him, trust me.
henceforth known as TTH: a guy wearing a wool beanie (in 80 degree humidity) and rocker t-shirt with sleeves cut off
DTK: the hipsters are OUT in wicker park today
Getting into a cab at the airport, the driver asks, “Where to? Wicker Park?”
After I give a look, he explains after years of driving a cab in this city, he can just tell. What does that mean?