so filter has not freed up its wifi internet, as DH, DW, and i were surprised to find on sunday. instead the coffee shop probably just ran out of the webbeams business cards (which featured a wifi access code) it used to hand out.
up first on the chopping block: unused surface area on printed pages, or what we in the industry call, “dead space.”
don’t blink next time you ask for a wifi code because you might miss the hand-off of filter’s latest cost-savings-initiative, pictured below.
what you can barely see there is a wifi code printed on what we in the industry call, “a fraction of a sliver of a piece of paper.” which clearly requires the precision of a steady human hand to carefully snip into strips.
preliminary cost savings analysis
+ savings from eliminated business card expense, estimated at 20% of cost of those joke-business-cards-booth-socially-pressured-me-buy-that-i-only-use-for-luggage-tags-and-free-lunch-raffles
— added wages required to employ fine-motor-skilled labor
= net higher costs
and just think of the poor minimum-wage-making, over-educated, dissatisfied, restless-generation, 99%-claiming hipster behind the counter having to cut that ish up. so don’t be surprised if you see wifi-code flakes mixed into loose leaf tea bags or hashbrowns. well maybe he’ll write a song about it. or maybe he already has.
actually this looks like a job for re-purposed shredding scissors like these.
that’s what the hip kids are into nowadays, right? re-using, recycling? however i suspect the time/focus allocation for this tool is something like 99% aligning, 1% snipping, and all still requiring incredibly fine motor skills.
back to the restructuring board.
part i. i found my new favorite study spot in wicker park: the lovely bake shop. it’s quiet, free wifi, music is neither obnoxious nor loud, not crowded, and the crowd that is there is shockingly not there to be seen (though i admit i love the people watching at filter and wormhole). big tables (one is an old card catalog), an assortment of benches and chairs, board games, pies, mini pies, hot breakfast sandwiches all day, aromatic pastries, intelligentsia coffee, decent tea selection, a ‘general store’ of giftable items like stationary, thoughtful cashiers.
only negative i have identified: it closes at between 5-7pm over the course of the week, for this shop is clearly more of a bake shop than coffee shop. but i guess that is why it’s great, so i can’t really ding ’em for that. big news: this is my first endorsement of anything on this blog — that’s how delightful the place is.
part ii. i have discovered a browser based blogging program that allows me to change fonts and colors and size!!!! finally! you probably thought i was disciplined, sticking to one font this whole time, but i’ve been suffering so. not that trebuchet was so hard on the eyes (picture me patting my trebuchet workhorse on the back), but as i’m learning in cases in financial management, it’s all about the option value. so watch out, readers. i’m going to become one of those people.
part iii. LC found a game i want to dominate but cannot complete. no it’s not the timed try-out tests used for mathcounts competitions. it’s a fashion game, instant style. you pick the accessory that you think the style editors at instyle would select. easy enough? like the mathcounts nerd that i am at heart, i’m confident that i’ve even identified something of an algorithm to win this game. however, my high score will never been seen because this game is also coincidentally the slowest loading browser-based game on the planet.
part iv. mike tyson quotes: the song.
sounds a little like guster, no?
part v: drinkify.
highlights (via the chicagoist):
Wilco: 1 bottle Organic red wine. Serve at room temperature. Garnish with sugar.
Cheap Trick: 1 oz. Cocaine. 1 oz. Tabasco sauce. 8 oz. Lemon juice.
Chicago: 6 oz. Tequila Reposado. Serve neat. Garnish with twist of grapefruit.
Local H: 6 oz. Maker’s Mark Bourbon. Serve on rocks. Stir quickly. Garnish with olive.
Andrew Bird: 1 oz. Cachaça. 1 oz. Grenadine. Combine in highball glass and serve.
Kill Hannah: 1 PBR. Serve cold. Garnish with nutmeg.
Billy Corgan: 1 bottle Buckfast. Serve at room temperature. Garnish with wedge of pineapple.
Styx: 1 Bud Light. Serve cold. Garnish with pickled asparagus.
Alkaline Trio: 10 oz. Southern Comfort. Serve on rocks. Stir vigorously. Garnish with fresh berries.
Jon Langford: 1 Miller High Life. Serve cold.
Fall Out Boy: 1 PBR. Serve cold. Garnish with umbrella.
Lupe Fiasco: 2 oz. Hennessy. 2 oz. Grapefruit juice. 2 oz. Chilli pepper Vodka. Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. Garnish with cucumber.
part vi: game restarted. i just clicked into the mathcounts link and really want to halt all things and do that problem of the week. before i do, please note that the problem of the week is clearly that the writers chose to employ a spelling of ‘l-a-u-r-y-n’. just. why?
with recruiting starting up again, this might be a good time to highlight how much looks matter. now, i’m not talking about your hose-or-no-hose dilemma, my unanswered RFP to replace the shoe buffer with a steamer / iron in the locker room, my unanswered whining about the inefficient, inane shape of our lockers, the nebulous definition of business casual… all that discussion is for another day. today, i’m talking font selection. you might think i’m trifling, sometimes i rightfully am, but as the picture below and cracked.com demonstrate, “in this modern day and age, a person’s choice of font is as important as [his/her] dress-sense, taste in music, or level of pedantry.”
- Never mix serif and sans serif in a single document unless you know what you’re doing. Serifs are the little added bits of ‘decoration’ to a character – so Arial has practically no serifs, while Excalibur consists of little else. Mixing these two fundamental distinctions in a document is akin to dressing as RoboCop at a Renaissance fair. It looks dumb and makes no fucking sense.
- The vast majority of fonts should not be used, ever. It’s not that they are all terrible, it’s just that unless you’re making a Cracked Topic page, there is very little call for them.
- Don’t use too many fonts on one page.
- Don’t ever use Comic Sans Serif. It was a font introduced by Microsoft in 1995 who imagined (as only Microsoft can) that having a comic-y font like that will make those Powerpoint presentations slightly less narcoleptic-y.
:: via cracked ::
and now laughs aside, here are some serious rules for serious presentation.
Serif for Stories
Serif fonts, like Times, Palatino and Garamond are very effective when utilized in … sequences of words usually longer than one line. The reason for this is that serif fonts closely resemble the cursive characters we learned in primary school which are one connected to the other through small ligaments. Such little legs and arms extending each letter to hook into the next help tremendously the eye in making words when we are learning or when as adults the conditions for legibility deteriorate.
Serif fonts have come to acquire over time an old-fashioned, classical, conservative, and formal look. These fonts are best used for your main content inside a slide, typical bulleted text, and inside tables where each cell contains a small paragraph of text.
Sans Serif For Info
Info is everything else that is not “stories”: titles, subtitles, callouts, captions, figure numbers, legends, etc. All of these short, burst-like information packets that we use everywhere inside presentations can be best made accessible and readable through the use of Sans Serif fonts like Arial, Verdana, and Helvetica.
Sans Serif fonts do not have curly ligaments at the end of their legs and these characters look rather stick-like. The look of Sans-Serif fonts is modern and informal. They are best used …[for info]. Sans serif fonts work also very well for numbers inside tables and spreadsheets as well as inside charts and stats.
As a pair, Arial and Verdana guarantee also the highest degree of compatibility with other operating systems and computer platforms, therefore offering the safest and most reliable choice in terms of readability, accessibility, and compatibility among all Sans Serif fonts.
:: via ::
finally, clean spelling and grammar are as important as clean teeth. i don’t know all the rules, i break lots and often, but the 1000 grammatical errors in the two quotes above (including four missing oxford commas) nearly killed me. death by grammar. it’s real, folks. and there must be more errors that i missed, so please don’t read too closely. this font isn’t suitable for this much text anyway.
i kind of like calibri. microsoft office tricked me into an introduction in 2007, by intrusively setting it as a default in ms word. i confess i did not slap away this sans serif upstart and run back into the arms of my serif’ed first love, times new roman. and after serving me well all these years when i was too lazy to resist, calibri has grown on me.
i don’t know what happened. it just all happened so fast. i worry that i haven’t seen all of calibri’s sides, and i worry that i deviate too much from my core font beliefs. i’m being vague but i think i can trust you. i worry that with a few too many drinks, calibri will start looking and acting like its warped cousin, comic sans.
and i worry that i’ll like it.
anyway, enough of this. i’m gonna go get trashed with papyrus.