Tag Archive | O!NE

road rules

not even ten minutes into driving here and my dormant californian driving aggression has already stirred. perhaps it is because i am driving a red car for the first time in my life and i kind of love it. the color, not the car, which amazingly has roll down windows! why is this still an option? i thought it, like scrunchies and my high school ride (below), went the way of the dodo.

rather incredibly, this dodge aries featured power windows. my parents knew the wave of the future, even in '85.

southern california

  • what moms drive: lexus RX 300/400 while texting
  • commodity car: toyota corolla / hyundai accent
  • average driving skill level: 7 or 8 on a scale of 10
  • aggressive driving means: speeding
  • actual highway speed vs posted limit: 75 mph vs 65 mph
  • achieved gas mileage: 30 mpg
  • a car wash is required: every two weeks due to dust and the fact that it never rains in socal
  • bicyclists: think they own the road and ride side by side in packs for all of 101, far beyond what the bike lanes allow. generally hated by drivers.
  • pedestrians: pffff. as if.

the lexus RX 330: worst drivers ever.

chicago

  • what moms drive: toyota sienna while eyeing kids in rearview mirror more than the road
  • commodity car: chevy aveo
  • average driving skill level: 5 out of 10. not sure what an average 5 in driving actually is but this 5 is the weighted average of a bunch of 2’s and 8’s.
  • aggressive driving means: cutting off the line of waiting cars at the 90/94 & 55 merge. everyone else is doing it — why can’t i?
  • actual highway speed vs posted limit: 30mph vs 60mph, due to traffic at all times of the day. we’ve concluded that no one in chicago actually works because everyone is on the road, all the time.
  • achieved gas mileage: 20-25 mpg
  • a car wash is required: once every three months. plenty of city dirt, but it rains.
  • bicyclists: respected, yet overwhelmingly feared by drivers, due to narrow lanes and potholes that must be suddenly averted (without signalling) by drivers and bikers alike
  • pedestrians: know to look both ways before jaywalking. check plus.

omaha

  • what moms drive: minivans of all sorts, even overpriced american-made ones
  • commodity car: dodge neon
  • average driving skill level: 6 out of 10 (4 out of 10 when it rains). people know the rules but execute them sooooooooooooooooooo sloooooooooowly that i take a few points off.
  • aggressive driving means: driving at the speed limit. merging when the sign says you must (less than 500 feet from merge), as opposed to merging at the first warning sign two miles out.
  • actual highway speed vs posted limit: 55 mph vs 65 mph
  • achieved gas mileage: 30 mpg. no traffic! ever.
  • a car wash is required: only after a long distance drive, just to get the splatter of dead insects off the grill.
  • bicyclists: so few i barely noticed them
  • pedestrians: walk as if in fact blind. check minus.
common scene or commonly seen (RW Israel: is this a s-i-t-e or a s-i-g-h-t?): ford taurus, cig in left hand of driver, arm hanging out the open window, cruising at 45mph in the passing lane on a *highway*

attn: O!NE drivers

this just in: driving in the rain is the same as driving on a clear day. just turn on your windshield wipers. i know those giant, pretty drops are distracting you from your routine of plowing along freeway at 45mph in the leftmost lane, periodically tapping the brakes when there is nothing in front of you, one arm hanging out of your MPG-slaying open windows, riding the right lane line as if you don’t believe the lane is wide enough for your defiantly american-made vee-hick-cle. however, extreme conditions like a gentle drizzle call for drastic measures.

i can already picture you swerving, braking, and swerving again trying to find and flip the wiper switch, but it’s really no different than flipping from the local journey radio station to the other local journey station, i promise. a quick scan and an even quicker tap/twist. you got this.

i) great song and ii) i like that cover. i don’t say that often.

separately, i wish i had bess levin’s job. can someone hook me up?

be quiet and equity analyze, you say? ohhh fine.

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