literally cutting costs

so filter has not freed up its wifi internet, as DH, DW, and i were surprised to find on sunday. instead the coffee shop probably just ran out of the webbeams business cards (which featured a wifi access code) it used to hand out.

however now that hard times have hit, restructuring consultants have apparently swept in with their cost-cutting goggles, digging for fat to trim.

up first on the chopping block: unused surface area on printed pages, or what we in the industry call, “dead space.”

don’t blink next time you ask for a wifi code because you might miss the hand-off of filter’s latest cost-savings-initiative, pictured below.

what the font? calibri? bold? size 11?

what you can barely see there is a wifi code printed on what we in the industry call, “a fraction of a sliver of a piece of paper.” which clearly requires the precision of a steady human hand to carefully snip into strips.

preliminary cost savings analysis

     + savings from eliminated business card expense, estimated at 20% of cost of those joke-business-cards-booth-socially-pressured-me-buy-that-i-only-use-for-luggage-tags-and-free-lunch-raffles

     — added wages required to employ fine-motor-skilled labor

     = net higher costs

and just think of the poor minimum-wage-making, over-educated, dissatisfied, restless-generation, 99%-claiming hipster behind the counter having to cut that ish up. so don’t be surprised if you see wifi-code flakes mixed into loose leaf tea bags or hashbrowns. well maybe he’ll write a song about it. or maybe he already has.

actually this looks like a job for re-purposed shredding scissors like these.

that’s what the hip kids are into nowadays, right? re-using, recycling? however i suspect the time/focus allocation for this tool is something like 99% aligning, 1% snipping, and all still requiring incredibly fine motor skills.

back to the restructuring board.


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