dear beloved macbook

dear beloved macbook,

i love you. i mean, how could i not? you’re so pretty.

but why do you insist on keeping up your own keyboard language when everyone else speaks something simpler and more common? like using a “command” key instead of the universally acceptable and widely lauded “control”? i know you’re proud of your heritage of starting it all really, but face it. someone else took over shortcuts and made them better.

your whole set-up. it’s such a monet. so pretty from afar but up close it’s a big old mess. the command key is in an awkward spot, the F1-F12 keys can’t be accessed without hitting a “fn” key … yet with one keyboard stroke i can access a calculator, eject a CD/DVD, or skip an audio track. your priorities make no sense at all.

and some of your ‘shortcuts’ (or detours if you will) involve four keystrokes! who has that many fingers? okay i do, but still. maybe you are in some sort of mutual revolt or stubborn alliance with the american measurement system, as it resists the logic of the metric system?

so instead you make me use this parallels thing, run a window of windows which drains your battery like no other, all just so i can use excel shortcuts and load PDFs off of the chalk site without accidentally opening up photoshop. i mean, it’s fine and all. you’re worth it. but i sure hope you appreciate it.

you can pay me back by just sitting there, looking pretty, for longer than the average life of a PC.

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