livin’ in a buyer’s paradise

in both settings of the strip above, i’m the one in the middle looking directly at the camera. instead of investing in equities, i’m thinking of getting into the Cash4Gold hustle. i’ll send postage-paid boxes that say “Cash4Gold” to all people who sign up for this weezer cruise (easy screen for lofty dreams and excess capital), twiddle my thumbs for one month. then my haul comes in, i’m going to melt it into a throne that i can sit in every night to write in my diary. then when i get letters and lawsuits that say i promised cash in exchange for gold, my defense will be the following:

Dear Sir(s):

To the best of my knowledge, ‘4’ does not mean ‘exchange’. It is a counting unit higher than three, lower than five (source: Kumon). The popular verse below demonstrates its universal interpretation as a counting unit, not a command:

 5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

If you seek a live serenade or further information, please contact me.



Self-licensed Dream Crusher /  Hope Exterminator / Life Destroyer



One response to “livin’ in a buyer’s paradise”

  1. Kate says :

    I once tried to sell all the gold jewelry that my ex boyfriend gave me out of spite…and also so I could partially fund a trip to Spain. So I took this wad of gold jewelry and wandered into one of those places and before I even got in the door I had to stop because the guy behind the counter just creeped me the hell out – no lie, he had GOLD TEETH. I ended up selling everything on ebay and made a shit ton of money which I used to get drunk in dive bars throughout Barcelona. Oh, to be 22 again!

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