an open letter

Dear San Diego,

Remember when in the midst of my “it’s not you, it’s me but actually it’s still you” speech when we broke up a year ago, I whined about how you’re so boring, same old thing day after day, ever predictable, not dynamic enough for my uber-dynamic sensibilities? I take it all back. As I wilt in this landlocked humidity vault known as O!NE …

I have now seen the other side, and I admit defeat. I have overdosed on its tempestuous highs and lows and am ready to jump off this ride at the next air-conditioned rest stop. I’m literally trapped these days, stuck indoors in an A/C bubble. I can only gaze at the beautiful, tempting, teasingly bright, vibrant colors outside, all too pretty to touch (because I melt when I do). I live my life bubble to bubble, interrupted only by the sweltering 30-second walk from bubble to bubble-with-wheels [is this a Snuggie ad?] and back several times a day.

Rich people problems, you say? All the more tragic. You know how much I despise sweating or burning calories via any method other than what my sedentary lifestyle allows.

But back to you, the love of my life. I miss your sunny, dry disposition more than anything right now. You were right — you were always right. I have learned the error of my too-cool attitude. Just writing the word “cool” there leaves me wanton and nostalgic. I miss the joy you once brought to my life, that I took for granted. The way you breezily batted your climate control, coyly, quietly showing both your sides, juggling a marine layer to the left and a desert expanse to the right. Your natural assets, your effortless cool and calm while the rest of the world flamed and flooded … you’re all I think about, all I want.

To get you back, I would do anything, anything at all (but I won’t do that).

(no, no, no I won’t do that)

Your endless love,

Sweating and Longing in the Midwest

ps…WOW. forgot how creepy and unnecessarily over-the-top that meat loaf video was. who is he kidding?  this below, on the other hand, is equally over the top, but awesome.

this discussion is 10000% relevant because along with A/C, my consumption of soft rock hits from the 80s, 90s, and today has increased approximately 1000000% on a relative basis.

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