look for me in the police blotter!
i just won a free courtesy citation!
yes, friends, i was pulled over for not signaling a lane change. what? who gets pulled over for that?! oh man. i hope i make the nightly blotter! pretty sure my blinker is the biggest news in this town since… this guy decided he is thinking about maybe moving but might not.
this sure was a “moving violation.” nearly teared up, laughing out loud when i saw that box checked. i had assumed that i was getting ticketed for grossly speeding not two minutes before my failure to blink it up. but let me tell you i was blinking up a storm in confusion, sitting in the dark, sweating it out in those six minutes that he made me wait before the big courtesy slip reveal. i always wonder why it takes cops so long to write up those few lines of text. i understand the VIN is, like, really long and stuff, but what else? are they scanning my license? thieving my identity? calling into “base”? if i had to guess — and you should know that guessing is prominently listed on my resume, next to C++ programming — this is close to what he was thinking:
omg an asian person! a real live one! this is like that one time i saw an alien…omg, just breathe. and don’t show any sign of fear — i read that they can sense that. i gotta text my friends.
poor alien. no wonder she was going 70 in that construction zone that blatantly said ‘FINES DOUBLE’. probably doesn’t even know how to drive. she’s doin’ pretty darn good for not knowing how to drive. i’ll just write her this nice courtesy reminder. oh gosh, which box do i check? “no turn signal”? “improper lane change”? which one sounds nicer? where’s the box that says, “shockin’ my eyelids“??
man oh man. tonight’s gonna be a busy night in the crazy town that is my diary. an aZn! just like i seen once in that movie on TBS.. you know, the one with that other south asian fella who talked for two hours about going to white castle! this town is kinda like a white castle. bwahaha!!! uh oh. did i just laugh out loud?