a love letter
Dear Missouri River,
Why are you being such a dick? Newsflash: you have been tamed. Don’t you understand that we control you! …We won. Man always wins. Nature is but a wild horse that needs to be broken, and broke you the corps of engineers did…
We liked this arrangement, it worked well for us. But you had to go and ruin it by being willful and demonstrative. … You are creating some real problems for our communities, river. …
In short, you are f-cking everything up. We are trying to have a nice summer, and you, like ants at a picnic, had to go and spill your tributaries all over our potato salad.
Get back in line, river. Flow back into your banks. Know your place! … What do you think you are anyway, a hurricane or something? The ocean? You are not the ocean, not by a long shot. I have seen the ocean and it is awesome. I wouldn’t dare open my eyes while swimming in you…
Will Meinen, The Omaha Tattler
more notes on the the biggest star of omaha since… ever(?) below:
… The Army Corps of Engineers expects the river to crest no higher than 1,008 feet elevation, and the flood barriers would protect the power plant to 1,010 feet. But that doesn’t leave a lot of margin for error. If rainfall becomes extraordinarily heavy again, the river could crest higher. If that happened, [Nebraska’s Fort Calhoun Nuclear Power Station] would be at much greater risk. Hopefully, the container around its reactor would be as watertight as advertised, and the water wouldn’t reach the spent fuel pool, which is on higher ground at 1,038.5 feet.
i’d prefer a greater margin of safety (this kind, not this kind), thanks. as much as i like summer rain for its ability to relieve my #2 hate on earth, humidity, please join me in doing a reverse rain dance for the next month or so. reverse rain dance is exactly what you’re picturing: dancing backwards, staring at the floor. let me just find some sparkly eyeshadow, a disco ball, and an empty gymnasium, and we can reenact a junior high dance.